There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
