he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
