I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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