I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
