it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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