Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
