I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
