We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
