Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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