I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize