the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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