do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
