if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
