How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
