I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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