Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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