I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
