God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
