Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
