He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
