Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
