I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
