thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
