hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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