upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
