is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Houston, we have a blender
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
