i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
