i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
