separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
