I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wear drunk well.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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