i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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