i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
