I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
