remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
