I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
