Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
