Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
