We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
