she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
