Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
