Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
