help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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