HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize