not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
BRING THE BAGELS
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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