My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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