eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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