Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize