My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize