I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
