Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
birth control should be required to get into college
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize