Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
