i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
