we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
