i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
