He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
