I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
