I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
