woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
