Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
