Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
