Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
