I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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