My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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