I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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