my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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