HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
