i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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