The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
