I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
