so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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