So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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