I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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