apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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