why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize