Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
whose ass print is on the piano?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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