David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
