Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
