the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
